You know that feeling you get when you walk out of the house, lock the door behind you, and step into your car only to feel like something is missing?
Or what about when you're putting an outfit together and the only thing missing is your favorite ring you seemed to have misplaced?
Possibly even that moment when you're eating your favorite meal but something just seems different? Like no matter how much salt you add or how differently you cut whatever is on your plate, it just doesn't taste the way you know it to be?
That's how I could describe my everyday emotions right now.
I check my purse and pockets for missing keys, but they're still there.
I search high and low, behind my bed and under my dresser for my ring but I know it's gone, having slipped off my finger sometime during the hustle and bustle of my busy day.
I keep eating that meal, telling myself just one more bite until it tastes the same again, but sure enough I reach the end and all that's left is an empty plate that held a mediocre meal.
The absence of people I love feels similar to that. The absence of my friends away at school is hard, but easy to handle because I know the exact date and the exact time I will see them again. But the absence of a friend I may share a rocky relationship with is practically unbearable. I can't predict the time I will see them again or their arrival back into my life. It is all up in the air and it seems as though nothing can bring it back down to where I stand. I feel like something is missing and over the past few days it didn't quite hit me just how bare I felt until today. I have been walking around on autopilot racking my brain for reasons why I feel this way; Did I forget to turn in an assignment?; Am I missing an appointment? Nothing added up and as much as I pushed it further and further to the back of my mind, the answer found its way to the front of my thoughts.
What I was missing was a familiar face.
I was missing a weekly text message conversation about our weeks.
I was missing adventures and study sessions.
I was missing something so familiar to me, something so routine that it took a while to realize the impact it really had in my life.
I am eagerly anticipating the arrival of my friends away at school. I cannot wait to ninja jump/bear hug them with so much excitement and built up love to share. I cannot wait to hear about their new friends and lives and all that they have experienced. I cannot wait to just sit around and do nothing with them because the presence of them alone is enough to make my day.
I am anxiously anticipating the next step I must take in bettering the current state of a missed and loved friendship. I am scared to delve into recent moments and figure out exactly what went awry. It makes me nervous to think of what words need to be exchanged and it makes my heart heavy when I think of how many hugs I have to catch up on.
I hope I am alone in the latter of my current anticipations, but I know there are too many of us to all be content at the same exact time. For those of us who are left with an empty plate and are racking our brains for the missing ingredient, I hope we can all change that anxiety to excitement.
So those of you experiencing an absence in your life, whether it be a friendship, guidance, or even just answers, I challenge you today.
I challenge you to find those thoughts ruminating in the back of your mind and pull them to the front of the line.
I challenge you to delve deeper into this absence filling your days and turn a mediocre meal into a delicious entree.
