I hate humans.
Did you catch that?
I said I hate humans.
Before you jump to conclusions, follow me for a second.
Humanity, as a whole, is a pretty ugly thing.
It is a self-destructive, wasteful creature that has allowed society to program us to look at our lives in such jaded ways that pick out everything we don't have.
We dwell on the past.
Live in the future.
And complain about never having enough time to just BE.
We are never fully present and in those rare chances we are, we are focusing on those around us. Rarely jumping at the chance to admire ourselves.
And as much confidence I have in individuals and our will to better our community- and the confidence I have that we will always prevail- and that our true callings will come out once we separate the world's desires from God's desires, what I've seen the past few days has really hurt my heart.
My community has become an episode right out of a teen drama, with anonymous websites to share your darkest secrets, an outlet to rate and assess the "dateable" guys in our area and stereotypes being thrown around during class.
I discovered an application called LuLu, a site that pegs your location and shows you guys in your community that have been rated.
Sex: 8.0
Attractiveness: 7.3
First kiss: 10.0
Commitment: 5.0
And the list goes on and on. And for what purpose? To degrade men in the same way us women fear?
I had resorted to this narrow mindset that left me with an unappreciated loss of hope in humanity.
But to that, I have to say that it's my faith in the individual that will conquer the doubt.
The power of an individual seeing their potential and affirming the self worth of others creates a beautiful movement. It creates a force that pushes through the negativity in the masses and encourages others to see what the power of positivity can really accomplish.
So yes, humanity sucks.
But the individual?
The community?
That, my friends, will always win.
So what will you do? Stick to the masses or branch out and live a life that depicts a true meaning of community.
I met someone Saturday evening.
A little boy, hardly a week old, who happens to take the role of my very little and very new, baby brother.
Before I met Erik, I simply knew him as an idea. As this person I knew had come to exist and be placed in my life but other than that it wasn't quite possible for me to fully grasp the concept of a brother.
See, before I met Erik, I didn't know it was possible to love someone so unconditionally without even a clue as to who they were.
Other than the fact that we are, in a way, related, I knew nothing about this little man. I hadn't shared a conversation with him nor traveled through the depths of his soul and passions, likes and dislikes, but simply just knew him as a boy who was new to my life.
As I held Erik, I looked at him and all the new discovery that was going on through his eyes and I realized that this love I felt, this uncontainable, indescribable love, was one that has been given to me daily and one I have been failing to give.
I looked at him and realized that the life I have been living is unmatched to the one I have been called to live. The love I've been given by the big man upstairs has been given to me not only so I can see the beauty of my creation and the self-worth I really do hold, but so that others can see theirs as well.
Why can't we all love so deeply, so unconditionally, so uncontainably that it fills us with a spirit and a joy that can't help but be contagious?
Often times I find myself questioning my actions.
Conversations I have and decisions I make, with the fear that others might find them too forward or unconventional.
Why should I be afraid to speak my mind and affirm those around me for the sole purpose of allowing them to see how wonderful they are?
Why?
Because we've been told it's wrong. It's unconventional. It's weird to make spontaneous friends or go up to someone you don't know.
Society has placed on me a barrier as to how and when I should show my love. And the only culprit in this victimization of my own actions, is myself.
I dictate the decisions I make and the people I affect and through it all, I got lost and wrapped up in the idea that showing love isn't normal.
Where in your life are you placing barriers on the love you choose to show and receive? Where are you second guessing your potential and the ability you have to greatly influence the lives of those around you?
Love does. In the words of Bob Goff, when all else fails and nothing seems to make sense, the only thing that holds true is love. Because love does. Love has no limits or understanding of failure. Love holds no boundaries or time frames to act upon. Love makes sense because sometimes life is too complicated to try and understand anything other than the simplicity of that four letter word.
I challenge you to love.
Love yourself.
Love others.
And do so in a way that makes others stop and respond.
Love in a way that calls attention to the life you're living and the influence you hold on those around you.
Love as if there's no tomorrow.
Love. Because love does.
There was this one morning.
It was maybe 4:30 at this point and I had spent the past six hours in a car full of people I barely knew.
We jumped on in, filled the car up with gas and drove down the coast on a spontaneous whim in hopes of finding something.
In hopes of finding an adventure, or maybe finding an escape for the night.
We all lay sprawled out on an abandoned lifeguard tower down south along the shores of a small beach town and the air smelled of sea salt, stale perfume and energy drinks. The conversations hit a lull as we gazed above us and stared into the unknown, so at peace with the path the night had given us.
I looked to my left and to my right and realized I would never see most of these people ever again and with that, I was filled with this overwhelming happiness.
Because although we shared dark secrets and tried to piece together what life meant at that moment, it was perfectly acceptable that we would never speak again. We shared memories spanning across those random hours in the night that are typically filled with sleep or normal routine and it meant that we had a new outlook on life, if only for that moment or possibly just for those few hours we spent alone after we parted ways.
Thinking back to that night I realize the past few days were filled with those same exact moments- pockets of joy that I may experience if only once with people I just met.
It's those moments that make up the list of a few of my very most favorite things, those things that give me the inspiration I need:
The boys who serenaded my sorority, I thank you for entertaining the idea that men are sensitive because they have good voices.
Thank you for giving me hope, even if it's encased in a hopeless romantic mindset.
The small crowd of people who cheered for me as I shouted out my number crossing the finish line as the 8th to last paddler in this weekend's race.
Thank you for reminding me that crossing the finish line is an accomplishment, no matter what place you're in.
The woman who called me lovely and the boy in the banana suit.
Thank you for showing me genuine sincerity and light hearted moments can be shared with absolutely anyone who is willing to accept them.
As a planner and a dweller and an all-around Type A, it's the moments like these that slow my world down a bit.
Where in your life can you look at a day and realize that those times of joy- those smiles in between class with someone who catches your eye or that random hail storm that sets in as you walk across campus- those moments are intended to slow your day down?
Think of things as they were, not as they weren't.
It's times like these where all you can do is appreciate what just happened and take it as it is, because somehow you became a better person through it all and the only way to explain it is by remembering it just as it was.
