...for the Summertime Spontaneous

There are a number of things in my life that I deeply enjoy.
I enjoy waking up at 5:30 in the morning to surf with my best friend.
I enjoy singing in my car and pretending I am in a music video.
And I enjoy more than most anything in the world, reading.
Give me a book and I will sit and read for hours (as long as my schedule allows) and I will come back to tell you that no matter what it is I have just read, there is a story to be told.


I look at this element of my life and how intentional I am to seek out the stories these authors are trying to tell and realize that the story I am currently writing doesn't always do the same. As the author of my own life, where am I being intentional in making sure there is always something worth sharing? Worth taking from? Worth living for?


If I am not fully living my life, then what am I doing with it?
More often than not I allow myself to settle for complacency and put off adventure for the fear of risking too much. And to this I realize that by sitting back and letting others write best-selling novels I am risking far more than a chapter or two spent in the hospital recovering from a trek through the Alps or a morning hike gone awry, I am risking the opportunities to build relationships and thrive in new communities. 


As a college student who was blessed to have met lifelong friends and take spontaneous adventures this summer, I am learning day by day to be intentional in my actions and inquisitive in my conversations. For me, these steps are leaps toward a better story. I think at times I run off to the towns these books are based in and tell myself I can be them. I can do those things and take these trips and see other sites but when I imagine all of that happening, the go-getter in me forgets to create a partner in crime or a group of friends to do so with.


As the college student who has had a summer filled with dancing and star gazing, homemade dinners and outdoor concerts, I am that same college student who focuses too much on what it is that needs to be done and not enough on who it should be done with. Because looking back on the summer I have had so far, it wasn't so much what we were doing, but who we were doing it with. It was the nights spent talking and the days laced with challenging questions and new insights that made me reflect on how memorable this summer has been for me.


I fear leaving this season and falling back into the same routine of thinking ahead and always worrying about tomorrow. As college students who have enough on our plate to worry about, I challenge you all to a new adventure, not another line on your already-full to-do lists. 


In the time we have left before we have to pack up our rooms and head back to the familiarity of class schedules and dormmates, I want to send you on an adventure right where you are. Seek out the relationships around you and rewrite the chapters in your textbooks and turn them into novels. 
Be spontaneous.
Be adventurous.
Be intentional.

Let go of the fears of looking back on a life that could have been lived and start embracing the opportunities to create memories and community all around you.

...for the Young Adult

As I shoved the next handful of double stuffed oreos into my mouth, an overwhelming sense of sickness fell across me. It wasn't the half-eaten package of oreos that lay before me or even the exhaustion I felt from the workout I completed earlier in order to feel worthy of eating the oreos. It was caused by the scene that played out before me on the television screen I was glued to.

A young woman sitting alone in her hello kitty t-shirt occupied the booth of a Kentucky Fried Chicken in the middle of Mercury, Minnesota. As she sat in her own presence she devoured a tray full of food. A bucket of chicken, a vat of mashed potatoes, a pile of tacos and a personal pizza covered the table she was sitting in. With that, the scene changed and she was alone yet again. This time in her car, parked outside of the house of a man consumed with reconstructing action figures.

Charlize Theron played the role of Mavis Gary, a ghost writer who left her small town to achieve big goals in the "mini apple" of Minneapolis. The entire movie held a collection of scenes strung together by the underlying defeat of a failed life.

What made this movie depressing was not the town she was visiting. Nor was it the dive bar she would drink for hours in or the vacant Macy's she found herself shopping at, although these added to the effect.

It was the fear in every audience member that their life would end up like hers.

Mediocre.

As a young adult myself I am constantly faced with choices and constantly pushed towards greatness. And although I know I want to be successful and I know I want to achieve greatness, I still lie awake most nights dwelling on the fear that I may never make an impact on this earth.

I fear mediocrity.

I fear ending up alone and looking back at the choices I have made and seeing that they led me to my own downfall. The entire movie was stale, seeping with images of failed lives and people settling for the life they were currently living.

Why do people allow themselves to go through life coasting?

To go through life with out direction?

Without purpose?

Without an ingrained knowledge that we are all deserving of a great life?

As a young adult, I have quite a lengthy life ahead of me. I choose to fight mediocrity with hard work and to always rely on the fact that I am worth so much more than settling.

To you young adults, what will you do?

Will you coast through a stale life of poor choices and missed opportunities, or will you realize that you are deserving of a life of purpose, a life that has you looking forward and far beyond the Mercury, Minnesotas of this world.

...for the Present

6:30am.

Winter break.

Sitting in my car with the heater blasting, I welcomed these brisk mornings with City and Colour playing on repeat. The sun had yet to show its face and the waves were small and mellow.

Perfect.

My kind of morning.

I made the early drive to Blackies before sunrise to avoid the clutter of people in the water. Most times I found myself in the company of old men and girls, the mellowest of crowds, the most welcoming of sessions. As a beginner I craved this environment, the kind of environment that said my errors were a part of the process.

Most mornings shared the same routine.

Paddle out.

Sit.

Think.

Catch a wave.

Repeat.

In the middle of my week however, my solitary routine was joined by the company of an unexpected guest so early in the morning.

I look to my right and a wide-eyed girl about the age of 11 paddled right next to me, her mouth splitting to fit the smile that reached across her face as she set her foam board about 3 feet away from where my feet were dangling. At first I smiled and looked away, waiting for her dad to come right up and push her into the waves filling the next set. But as I kept sitting there, my focus kept drifting toward wherever she was surfing.

She would go for a wave, wipe out, and end up right next to me after every try.

I caught my own wave this time and as I continued riding, I couldn't help but wonder where her dad was.

I looked toward shore and sure enough there he was, watching his daughter paddle next to me, trusting my presence.

We never once spoke. Only one simple wave and a collection of smiles.

All she wanted was that comfort.

All she needed was a strong presence next to her to give her the confidence she needed.

As a mentor to girls in junior high ministry it occurred to me that sometimes, all these girls need is a smile. I don't need to have all the right words to say or know the best action steps to take when confronted with an issue. Sometimes all I need to do is listen and be a strong presence.

Sometimes, all it takes is knowing someone cares to get you through a hard time.

I never once spoke to the wide-eyed girl on the big foam board, but knowing there was a girl she could sit next to in the water gave her the confidence she needed to be out there.

As leaders, sometimes all it takes is to simply wave hello.

...for the Loved

Sunday marked the second week of the Naked Truth series given by Mariners Church.

As Pastor Mike Erre spoke truth into the lives of 200 or so 20-somethings, I started to believe what he was preaching.

I am loved.

I am adored.

I am worth so much more than society tells me I am.

Investing in the lives of junior high girls and being consumed by the jaded misconceptions social media brings about, I have fallen victim to witnessing and taking part in self-loathing.

I have told myself that I am not worth the wait; that I must compromise my morals in order for a boy to express some cold and disconnected form of affection towards me that seeps of guilt and lacks the warmth of true love.

I sat in that room and was overcome not by guilt or regret for past endeavors, but was filled with hope. As a circle of young men surrounded the women in the room to pray over us, I can truly say I felt deeply and madly loved.

Not by the tens of men I had no connection with, but by the image they represented.

This powerful action represented God's unwavering and strong love for not only me, but for every single girl battling society's misconstrued messages:

You need to lose weight.

You need to gain weight.

You need to show more skin.

You need to apply more makeup.

You are never going to be enough.

And we fight these critiques and succumb to some higher power; this worldly power that tells us we are never good enough.

And we deny the messages of the church and of the true higher power that builds us up, not tears us down.

I sat there and as I was being prayed over, I was brought to the thought of my junior high girls. They go to school each day and are preparing themselves for battle. They are told they are ugly. They are told to wear more makeup. They are told to dress a certain way and say certain words in order to be loved by some boy who will give them the short-term attention they are vying for.

I thought of the string of preteens posting videos on Youtube asking unknown users, "am I pretty?"

I thought of the self-loathing and self-destruction I have put myself through and have watched others do the same and said to myself that this has to stop.

So I sit here today and think about the future. I think about the hopes I have and the love I deserve.

I deserve to be told I am pretty without having to ask.

I deserve to be pursued rather than be the girl seeking out attention.

I deserve to find a man who is so madly in love with me that he sees me for who I am, not for who I am not.

I deserve what every other girl deserves; to be loved.

To be truly and joyfully loved.

Because girls, we are wonderfully and fearfully made.

There needs to be a community that fights and opposes the world's harsh views. The question is, who's with me?

...for the Carefree

Ray Bans on with my hair blowing in the wind, my Sperry top siders rested on the dashboard as I glanced past my denim vest and long white skirt reflected in the window. We were headed to San Diego and with the perfect Blink182 playlist, I felt free. Friday afternoon marked the start to what would have been the introduction to my own low budget Sundance film. A movie about college students and an unforgettable weekend, centered around a girl who traveled down the coast in search for something new; new friends, new adventures, and the excitement of finding new music.

We arrived in San Diego and made our way to Soma, the venue painted in black; its only accessory a winding line of teenagers huddled together, wildly anticipating the bands they came to see. Once we made it through the line and past the bouncers, the three of us exchanged smiles and all at once stepped inside the room that held the main stage. Hundreds of bodies filled the venue and we joined the crowds of unfamiliar faces, most covered in brightly colored face paint in support of the opening act. Walk the Moon started the night off with their hit Anna Sun, the lyrics expressing the emotions we all felt but couldn't pinpoint on our own...

"My feet are still sore; my back is on the fringes

We were up against the wall on the west mezzanine
We rattle this town, we rattle this scene"

All at once we were jumping to the beat, grabbing onto whatever hand was closest to share in the beats with. The Ohio natives finished their set and we took a minute to reflect on what we were experiencing. Because yes, this was a concert but this was also so much more. Every person in the room shared the same purpose, the same love for the night. We all came here to share in one experience together, all to feel like something bigger than just concert goers.

The music drew us in but the people kept us there.

Young the Giant killed it and we found Irvine locals to admire their success with, all of us secretly proud we share mutual friends with the up and coming band. The songs played loud and our voices strained to match and as the night went on, insecurities left the room as well. Those who came alone no longer stood alone and those who stood stiff found themselves dancing in sync with the people around them. I tossed my head back and forth and let my arms move as they pleased as my feet danced in the circle of space that I had. It was time for the last song and you could feel the energy rise as we awaited those final moments together. People started crowd surfing and all in one instance a large gap opened up. We rushed the stage and as the chorus blasted, we jumped. All inhibitions we may have been clinging onto were stomped away and lifted high from the crowd as our arms reached toward the ceiling.

This was it. This was the moment all of us were craving.

We came to be apart of a movement, to be apart of a journey the bands would take us on and lead us through so we could escape our lives for just a moment. In that instance, all we had was each other. All we had was our hearts that perfectly aligned if only for a song or two. Driving back home sound bites took up the space in my head as I was sucked back into the vibrations of wall to wall music. My feet were aching and I could feel the stiffness in my legs as they familiarized themselves with what it felt like to sit down. My neck ached in a few key spots but the smile still clung to my face, so reluctant to leave the night behind.

I found what I was in desperate search of this weekend.

I wasn't just a concert goer for a two nights in a row.

I was a lovesick fan who shared a smile onstage with the lead singer of Twin Atlantic.

I was a college student who took a weekend road trip to support a local band.

I was a girl who found the adventure she was looking for and I found it in the music.

I was part of something bigger than just a concert, I was part of a journey only we in those rooms could experience together.

I was carefree.

...for the Anticipator

You know that feeling you get when you walk out of the house, lock the door behind you, and step into your car only to feel like something is missing?

Or what about when you're putting an outfit together and the only thing missing is your favorite ring you seemed to have misplaced?

Possibly even that moment when you're eating your favorite meal but something just seems different? Like no matter how much salt you add or how differently you cut whatever is on your plate, it just doesn't taste the way you know it to be?

That's how I could describe my everyday emotions right now.

I check my purse and pockets for missing keys, but they're still there.

I search high and low, behind my bed and under my dresser for my ring but I know it's gone, having slipped off my finger sometime during the hustle and bustle of my busy day.

I keep eating that meal, telling myself just one more bite until it tastes the same again, but sure enough I reach the end and all that's left is an empty plate that held a mediocre meal.

The absence of people I love feels similar to that. The absence of my friends away at school is hard, but easy to handle because I know the exact date and the exact time I will see them again. But the absence of a friend I may share a rocky relationship with is practically unbearable. I can't predict the time I will see them again or their arrival back into my life. It is all up in the air and it seems as though nothing can bring it back down to where I stand. I feel like something is missing and over the past few days it didn't quite hit me just how bare I felt until today. I have been walking around on autopilot racking my brain for reasons why I feel this way; Did I forget to turn in an assignment?; Am I missing an appointment? Nothing added up and as much as I pushed it further and further to the back of my mind, the answer found its way to the front of my thoughts.

What I was missing was a familiar face.

I was missing a weekly text message conversation about our weeks.

I was missing adventures and study sessions.

I was missing something so familiar to me, something so routine that it took a while to realize the impact it really had in my life.

I am eagerly anticipating the arrival of my friends away at school. I cannot wait to ninja jump/bear hug them with so much excitement and built up love to share. I cannot wait to hear about their new friends and lives and all that they have experienced. I cannot wait to just sit around and do nothing with them because the presence of them alone is enough to make my day.

I am anxiously anticipating the next step I must take in bettering the current state of a missed and loved friendship. I am scared to delve into recent moments and figure out exactly what went awry. It makes me nervous to think of what words need to be exchanged and it makes my heart heavy when I think of how many hugs I have to catch up on.

I hope I am alone in the latter of my current anticipations, but I know there are too many of us to all be content at the same exact time. For those of us who are left with an empty plate and are racking our brains for the missing ingredient, I hope we can all change that anxiety to excitement.

So those of you experiencing an absence in your life, whether it be a friendship, guidance, or even just answers, I challenge you today.

I challenge you to find those thoughts ruminating in the back of your mind and pull them to the front of the line.

I challenge you to delve deeper into this absence filling your days and turn a mediocre meal into a delicious entree.

...for the Story Tellers

There are a significant amount of things in my life that I don't have full control over and they all became apparent to me today.

Power walking is a regular pace I take while passing through Bloomingdales simply because I can't afford a large portion of the store, so why peruse when it only teases me? Speeding towards the escalator to find the jeans section to finally spend my graduation money, I was taken back by how suddenly my body jolted into a halt in front of the David Yurman counter as my eyes landed on the beautifully crafted rings on display. I was asked if I wanted to try one on and without protest, I let out a faint yes. As I slipped the ring onto my finger it occurred to me in that moment that I wanted to be able to browse through Bloomingdales. No longer do I wish to walk into the store with a pre-planned agenda or a B-line past the glass boxes that encase the artwork most would call over priced jewelry. But the current state in which I am living in as a full time student with two less-than-part-time jobs, those luxuries are ones that I cannot attain at the moment. I know that I do not have control over my current "spending" financial state, partially due to my lack of ability to properly save, and that sacrifices must be made in order to get to a place in life where nice things are purchasable and living debt-free, stress-free, and below my means is only a chapter in my life that has been read and left behind to continue reading the rest of the novel.

Yet, in those dog-eared pages with creases, coffee stains and highlighted words, I find more uncontrollable short stories. I find not only trips to Bloomingdales, but paragraph after paragraph of car issues detailing broken headlights, rust colored radiator stains outlining the parking space of 24 hour fitness and accounts of being stranded in one city too many.

Then I come to the water-stained pages worn thin and familiar, almost in memory because they have been visited so frequently. Those pages are filled with heart break and regret, loss and heart ache, trickled ever so sparsely with smiles and embraces, long talks and perfect moments of silence.I know that just in the way I do not have full control over being able to purchase a $900 ring, I do not have control over the present-day decisions made by past crushes, lovers, likers, you name it. We have all been there. We are writing our story with someone and then one day, something changes. Some people fall out of love while others are forced out of it. People move on, move away, move past the past and onto the future and while only some will admit to it, we all can agree that erasing that person from your next chapter is easier than erasing them from your rough drafts. No matter how big of an absence that character makes, your mind will always add in a few extra "what if" sentences.

What if that conversation never happened.

What if that fight never occurred.

What if we pushed through rather than pulled away.

What if, what if, what if.

And they consume you, making you realize that you have no control over who they want to date or pursue because they are the authors of the next chapter in their book, not you.

Although I may not have control over my financial state; being able to splurge on lavish items or purchase a reliable car, or even have control over the relationships around me, I always have control over how I can change the world. Whether people say I do or do not. Today I realized that there were many things out of my control that I would just have to settle for. With that though, I remember that I never have to settle with the current state of our world. I never have to look across the room and see a room full of people who are going to remain stagnant. I have not only the ability but the calling to change the world and if I can't control almost everything else in my life, you can bet that I will have control over this.

We as a community of people are constantly faced with challenges and opposition and although they take the face of barriers, they are here to act as pieces of a better story. See, without conflict, we would all be writing cut and paste picture books instead of the timeless masterpieces we are intended to craft. Conflict surrounds us daily. In our homes, schools, workplaces. Citywide, nationwide, and globally. I see the conflict arise around me and see that something must be written in order to stop the enemy from winning.

So, I challenge you today. Push aside the uncontrollable short stories and turn the page to start reading about the conflict you have the ability to beat.

As an 18 year old girl with untamed curls, a broken down car, and a bank account that hold nothing close to a David Yurman purchase, I am confident in the fact that I am in control. I will change the world one chapter at a time and will not stop until darkness can no longer be found. I will be the light to shine in the fluorescent-lit Walmarts filling suburbia where any other light is suppressed. I will be the light to shine along side the sun beating down across playgrounds, quads, hallways and classrooms. I will be the light to shine where darkness is the only thing people know. Where will you be a light? Where will you change the world?

Don't ever tell yourself you cannot make a change, because amidst uncontrollable situations, we always have the potential to control our impact on the world.