...for the Planner

It was quite the heated debate.

I shared my thoughts and the rebuttal happened almost immediately.

Words were said.

Words that could never be taken back, and at the end of the day there was still no right answer.

The debate over day planners vs. white boards is one that may never be settled.

As a faithful planner owner I can confidently say that I go nowhere without it. In my room, in my car, in my backpack or next to my purse, my planner acts as a third arm in any appropriate situation (which, in reality, is every situation)

But aside from the witty banter and comical uses regarding my planner, I realize that I do put so much trust into this tiny material item. I rely on this stack of papers held together by a piece of curled plastic to tell me everything I need to know. My scheduled meetings and appointments, work times and preplanned hangouts and find that when I leave the house without it, my day seems unorganized and unproductive.

Living my life out of a planner not only ensures the feeling of dependency but it denies any time for spontaneity and adventure.

For those planners out there, how many times have you realized that the fun you have and the growth you go through is not jotted down on lines on a page or scheduled for you to look forward to?

There are so many times in my life where I tell myself I have to plan for things. And please realize that there are times that planning simply makes sense.

Scheduling a doctor's appointment: Makes sense

Studying for a test: Makes sense

Writing down work schedules: Makes sense (I'd hope)

But there are times in my life where I realize a lack of schedule and the absence of my to-do list was just what I needed.

The days I woke up early and threw a towel and my wallet in my backpack and headed toward the beach.

The times I went on long drives with friends and stopped when we decided the destination was cool enough.

The moments of silence, away from home, where I sat and journaled and allowed God to just sit with me.

These are the times were planning ahead wouldn't have made any sense at all.

For the planners out there, how many times do you wish you could just cut off that third arm?

Something I am always trying to remember is no matter what, the day will happen and the next day will appear just the same. Whether I cross off five things on my list or barely get to one, there will always be another day to get things done.

There will always be another day.

How many days do you want planned out for yourself?

Whether your life is scheduled on a white board or filling the pages of a day planner, find the time to set those aside and step outside the house with an open mind, a blank page, and the opportunity to let yourself grow amidst the unscheduled days.

...for the Summertime Spontaneous

There are a number of things in my life that I deeply enjoy.
I enjoy waking up at 5:30 in the morning to surf with my best friend.
I enjoy singing in my car and pretending I am in a music video.
And I enjoy more than most anything in the world, reading.
Give me a book and I will sit and read for hours (as long as my schedule allows) and I will come back to tell you that no matter what it is I have just read, there is a story to be told.


I look at this element of my life and how intentional I am to seek out the stories these authors are trying to tell and realize that the story I am currently writing doesn't always do the same. As the author of my own life, where am I being intentional in making sure there is always something worth sharing? Worth taking from? Worth living for?


If I am not fully living my life, then what am I doing with it?
More often than not I allow myself to settle for complacency and put off adventure for the fear of risking too much. And to this I realize that by sitting back and letting others write best-selling novels I am risking far more than a chapter or two spent in the hospital recovering from a trek through the Alps or a morning hike gone awry, I am risking the opportunities to build relationships and thrive in new communities. 


As a college student who was blessed to have met lifelong friends and take spontaneous adventures this summer, I am learning day by day to be intentional in my actions and inquisitive in my conversations. For me, these steps are leaps toward a better story. I think at times I run off to the towns these books are based in and tell myself I can be them. I can do those things and take these trips and see other sites but when I imagine all of that happening, the go-getter in me forgets to create a partner in crime or a group of friends to do so with.


As the college student who has had a summer filled with dancing and star gazing, homemade dinners and outdoor concerts, I am that same college student who focuses too much on what it is that needs to be done and not enough on who it should be done with. Because looking back on the summer I have had so far, it wasn't so much what we were doing, but who we were doing it with. It was the nights spent talking and the days laced with challenging questions and new insights that made me reflect on how memorable this summer has been for me.


I fear leaving this season and falling back into the same routine of thinking ahead and always worrying about tomorrow. As college students who have enough on our plate to worry about, I challenge you all to a new adventure, not another line on your already-full to-do lists. 


In the time we have left before we have to pack up our rooms and head back to the familiarity of class schedules and dormmates, I want to send you on an adventure right where you are. Seek out the relationships around you and rewrite the chapters in your textbooks and turn them into novels. 
Be spontaneous.
Be adventurous.
Be intentional.

Let go of the fears of looking back on a life that could have been lived and start embracing the opportunities to create memories and community all around you.

...for the Young Adult

As I shoved the next handful of double stuffed oreos into my mouth, an overwhelming sense of sickness fell across me. It wasn't the half-eaten package of oreos that lay before me or even the exhaustion I felt from the workout I completed earlier in order to feel worthy of eating the oreos. It was caused by the scene that played out before me on the television screen I was glued to.

A young woman sitting alone in her hello kitty t-shirt occupied the booth of a Kentucky Fried Chicken in the middle of Mercury, Minnesota. As she sat in her own presence she devoured a tray full of food. A bucket of chicken, a vat of mashed potatoes, a pile of tacos and a personal pizza covered the table she was sitting in. With that, the scene changed and she was alone yet again. This time in her car, parked outside of the house of a man consumed with reconstructing action figures.

Charlize Theron played the role of Mavis Gary, a ghost writer who left her small town to achieve big goals in the "mini apple" of Minneapolis. The entire movie held a collection of scenes strung together by the underlying defeat of a failed life.

What made this movie depressing was not the town she was visiting. Nor was it the dive bar she would drink for hours in or the vacant Macy's she found herself shopping at, although these added to the effect.

It was the fear in every audience member that their life would end up like hers.

Mediocre.

As a young adult myself I am constantly faced with choices and constantly pushed towards greatness. And although I know I want to be successful and I know I want to achieve greatness, I still lie awake most nights dwelling on the fear that I may never make an impact on this earth.

I fear mediocrity.

I fear ending up alone and looking back at the choices I have made and seeing that they led me to my own downfall. The entire movie was stale, seeping with images of failed lives and people settling for the life they were currently living.

Why do people allow themselves to go through life coasting?

To go through life with out direction?

Without purpose?

Without an ingrained knowledge that we are all deserving of a great life?

As a young adult, I have quite a lengthy life ahead of me. I choose to fight mediocrity with hard work and to always rely on the fact that I am worth so much more than settling.

To you young adults, what will you do?

Will you coast through a stale life of poor choices and missed opportunities, or will you realize that you are deserving of a life of purpose, a life that has you looking forward and far beyond the Mercury, Minnesotas of this world.

...for the Present

6:30am.

Winter break.

Sitting in my car with the heater blasting, I welcomed these brisk mornings with City and Colour playing on repeat. The sun had yet to show its face and the waves were small and mellow.

Perfect.

My kind of morning.

I made the early drive to Blackies before sunrise to avoid the clutter of people in the water. Most times I found myself in the company of old men and girls, the mellowest of crowds, the most welcoming of sessions. As a beginner I craved this environment, the kind of environment that said my errors were a part of the process.

Most mornings shared the same routine.

Paddle out.

Sit.

Think.

Catch a wave.

Repeat.

In the middle of my week however, my solitary routine was joined by the company of an unexpected guest so early in the morning.

I look to my right and a wide-eyed girl about the age of 11 paddled right next to me, her mouth splitting to fit the smile that reached across her face as she set her foam board about 3 feet away from where my feet were dangling. At first I smiled and looked away, waiting for her dad to come right up and push her into the waves filling the next set. But as I kept sitting there, my focus kept drifting toward wherever she was surfing.

She would go for a wave, wipe out, and end up right next to me after every try.

I caught my own wave this time and as I continued riding, I couldn't help but wonder where her dad was.

I looked toward shore and sure enough there he was, watching his daughter paddle next to me, trusting my presence.

We never once spoke. Only one simple wave and a collection of smiles.

All she wanted was that comfort.

All she needed was a strong presence next to her to give her the confidence she needed.

As a mentor to girls in junior high ministry it occurred to me that sometimes, all these girls need is a smile. I don't need to have all the right words to say or know the best action steps to take when confronted with an issue. Sometimes all I need to do is listen and be a strong presence.

Sometimes, all it takes is knowing someone cares to get you through a hard time.

I never once spoke to the wide-eyed girl on the big foam board, but knowing there was a girl she could sit next to in the water gave her the confidence she needed to be out there.

As leaders, sometimes all it takes is to simply wave hello.

...for the Loved

Sunday marked the second week of the Naked Truth series given by Mariners Church.

As Pastor Mike Erre spoke truth into the lives of 200 or so 20-somethings, I started to believe what he was preaching.

I am loved.

I am adored.

I am worth so much more than society tells me I am.

Investing in the lives of junior high girls and being consumed by the jaded misconceptions social media brings about, I have fallen victim to witnessing and taking part in self-loathing.

I have told myself that I am not worth the wait; that I must compromise my morals in order for a boy to express some cold and disconnected form of affection towards me that seeps of guilt and lacks the warmth of true love.

I sat in that room and was overcome not by guilt or regret for past endeavors, but was filled with hope. As a circle of young men surrounded the women in the room to pray over us, I can truly say I felt deeply and madly loved.

Not by the tens of men I had no connection with, but by the image they represented.

This powerful action represented God's unwavering and strong love for not only me, but for every single girl battling society's misconstrued messages:

You need to lose weight.

You need to gain weight.

You need to show more skin.

You need to apply more makeup.

You are never going to be enough.

And we fight these critiques and succumb to some higher power; this worldly power that tells us we are never good enough.

And we deny the messages of the church and of the true higher power that builds us up, not tears us down.

I sat there and as I was being prayed over, I was brought to the thought of my junior high girls. They go to school each day and are preparing themselves for battle. They are told they are ugly. They are told to wear more makeup. They are told to dress a certain way and say certain words in order to be loved by some boy who will give them the short-term attention they are vying for.

I thought of the string of preteens posting videos on Youtube asking unknown users, "am I pretty?"

I thought of the self-loathing and self-destruction I have put myself through and have watched others do the same and said to myself that this has to stop.

So I sit here today and think about the future. I think about the hopes I have and the love I deserve.

I deserve to be told I am pretty without having to ask.

I deserve to be pursued rather than be the girl seeking out attention.

I deserve to find a man who is so madly in love with me that he sees me for who I am, not for who I am not.

I deserve what every other girl deserves; to be loved.

To be truly and joyfully loved.

Because girls, we are wonderfully and fearfully made.

There needs to be a community that fights and opposes the world's harsh views. The question is, who's with me?

...for the Carefree

Ray Bans on with my hair blowing in the wind, my Sperry top siders rested on the dashboard as I glanced past my denim vest and long white skirt reflected in the window. We were headed to San Diego and with the perfect Blink182 playlist, I felt free. Friday afternoon marked the start to what would have been the introduction to my own low budget Sundance film. A movie about college students and an unforgettable weekend, centered around a girl who traveled down the coast in search for something new; new friends, new adventures, and the excitement of finding new music.

We arrived in San Diego and made our way to Soma, the venue painted in black; its only accessory a winding line of teenagers huddled together, wildly anticipating the bands they came to see. Once we made it through the line and past the bouncers, the three of us exchanged smiles and all at once stepped inside the room that held the main stage. Hundreds of bodies filled the venue and we joined the crowds of unfamiliar faces, most covered in brightly colored face paint in support of the opening act. Walk the Moon started the night off with their hit Anna Sun, the lyrics expressing the emotions we all felt but couldn't pinpoint on our own...

"My feet are still sore; my back is on the fringes

We were up against the wall on the west mezzanine
We rattle this town, we rattle this scene"

All at once we were jumping to the beat, grabbing onto whatever hand was closest to share in the beats with. The Ohio natives finished their set and we took a minute to reflect on what we were experiencing. Because yes, this was a concert but this was also so much more. Every person in the room shared the same purpose, the same love for the night. We all came here to share in one experience together, all to feel like something bigger than just concert goers.

The music drew us in but the people kept us there.

Young the Giant killed it and we found Irvine locals to admire their success with, all of us secretly proud we share mutual friends with the up and coming band. The songs played loud and our voices strained to match and as the night went on, insecurities left the room as well. Those who came alone no longer stood alone and those who stood stiff found themselves dancing in sync with the people around them. I tossed my head back and forth and let my arms move as they pleased as my feet danced in the circle of space that I had. It was time for the last song and you could feel the energy rise as we awaited those final moments together. People started crowd surfing and all in one instance a large gap opened up. We rushed the stage and as the chorus blasted, we jumped. All inhibitions we may have been clinging onto were stomped away and lifted high from the crowd as our arms reached toward the ceiling.

This was it. This was the moment all of us were craving.

We came to be apart of a movement, to be apart of a journey the bands would take us on and lead us through so we could escape our lives for just a moment. In that instance, all we had was each other. All we had was our hearts that perfectly aligned if only for a song or two. Driving back home sound bites took up the space in my head as I was sucked back into the vibrations of wall to wall music. My feet were aching and I could feel the stiffness in my legs as they familiarized themselves with what it felt like to sit down. My neck ached in a few key spots but the smile still clung to my face, so reluctant to leave the night behind.

I found what I was in desperate search of this weekend.

I wasn't just a concert goer for a two nights in a row.

I was a lovesick fan who shared a smile onstage with the lead singer of Twin Atlantic.

I was a college student who took a weekend road trip to support a local band.

I was a girl who found the adventure she was looking for and I found it in the music.

I was part of something bigger than just a concert, I was part of a journey only we in those rooms could experience together.

I was carefree.

...for the Anticipator

You know that feeling you get when you walk out of the house, lock the door behind you, and step into your car only to feel like something is missing?

Or what about when you're putting an outfit together and the only thing missing is your favorite ring you seemed to have misplaced?

Possibly even that moment when you're eating your favorite meal but something just seems different? Like no matter how much salt you add or how differently you cut whatever is on your plate, it just doesn't taste the way you know it to be?

That's how I could describe my everyday emotions right now.

I check my purse and pockets for missing keys, but they're still there.

I search high and low, behind my bed and under my dresser for my ring but I know it's gone, having slipped off my finger sometime during the hustle and bustle of my busy day.

I keep eating that meal, telling myself just one more bite until it tastes the same again, but sure enough I reach the end and all that's left is an empty plate that held a mediocre meal.

The absence of people I love feels similar to that. The absence of my friends away at school is hard, but easy to handle because I know the exact date and the exact time I will see them again. But the absence of a friend I may share a rocky relationship with is practically unbearable. I can't predict the time I will see them again or their arrival back into my life. It is all up in the air and it seems as though nothing can bring it back down to where I stand. I feel like something is missing and over the past few days it didn't quite hit me just how bare I felt until today. I have been walking around on autopilot racking my brain for reasons why I feel this way; Did I forget to turn in an assignment?; Am I missing an appointment? Nothing added up and as much as I pushed it further and further to the back of my mind, the answer found its way to the front of my thoughts.

What I was missing was a familiar face.

I was missing a weekly text message conversation about our weeks.

I was missing adventures and study sessions.

I was missing something so familiar to me, something so routine that it took a while to realize the impact it really had in my life.

I am eagerly anticipating the arrival of my friends away at school. I cannot wait to ninja jump/bear hug them with so much excitement and built up love to share. I cannot wait to hear about their new friends and lives and all that they have experienced. I cannot wait to just sit around and do nothing with them because the presence of them alone is enough to make my day.

I am anxiously anticipating the next step I must take in bettering the current state of a missed and loved friendship. I am scared to delve into recent moments and figure out exactly what went awry. It makes me nervous to think of what words need to be exchanged and it makes my heart heavy when I think of how many hugs I have to catch up on.

I hope I am alone in the latter of my current anticipations, but I know there are too many of us to all be content at the same exact time. For those of us who are left with an empty plate and are racking our brains for the missing ingredient, I hope we can all change that anxiety to excitement.

So those of you experiencing an absence in your life, whether it be a friendship, guidance, or even just answers, I challenge you today.

I challenge you to find those thoughts ruminating in the back of your mind and pull them to the front of the line.

I challenge you to delve deeper into this absence filling your days and turn a mediocre meal into a delicious entree.