...for the 'Human'itarian

I hate humans.

Did you catch that? 
I said I hate humans.

Before you jump to conclusions, follow me for a second.
Humanity, as a whole, is a pretty ugly thing. 
It is a self-destructive, wasteful creature that has allowed society to program us to look at our lives in such jaded ways that pick out everything we don't have.
We dwell on the past.
Live in the future.
And complain about never having enough time to just BE.

We are never fully present and in those rare chances we are, we are focusing on those around us. Rarely jumping at the chance to admire ourselves. 

And as much confidence I have in individuals and our will to better our community- and the confidence I have that we will always prevail- and that our true callings will come out once we separate the world's desires from God's desires, what I've seen the past few days has really hurt my heart.

My community has become an episode right out of a teen drama, with anonymous websites to share your darkest secrets, an outlet to rate and assess the "dateable" guys in our area and stereotypes being thrown around during class.

I discovered an application called LuLu, a site that pegs your location and shows you guys in your community that have been rated.
Sex: 8.0
Attractiveness: 7.3
First kiss: 10.0
Commitment: 5.0
And the list goes on and on. And for what purpose? To degrade men in the same way us women fear? 

I had resorted to this narrow mindset that left me with an unappreciated loss of hope in humanity. 

But to that, I have to say that it's my faith in the individual that will conquer the doubt.

The power of an individual seeing their potential and affirming the self worth of others creates a beautiful movement. It creates a force that pushes through the negativity in the masses and encourages others to see what the power of positivity can really accomplish.

So yes, humanity sucks.
But the individual?
The community?
That, my friends, will always win. 

So what will you do? Stick to the masses or branch out and live a life that depicts a true meaning of community. 

...for the Lovers

I met someone Saturday evening.
A little boy, hardly a week old, who happens to take the role of my very little and very new, baby brother.
Before I met Erik, I simply knew him as an idea. As this person I knew had come to exist and be placed in my life but other than that it wasn't quite possible for me to fully grasp the concept of a brother.
See, before I met Erik, I didn't know it was possible to love someone so unconditionally without even a clue as to who they were.

Other than the fact that we are, in a way, related, I knew nothing about this little man. I hadn't shared a conversation with him nor traveled through the depths of his soul and passions, likes and dislikes, but simply just knew him as a boy who was new to my life.

As I held Erik, I looked at him and all the new discovery that was going on through his eyes and I realized that this love I felt, this uncontainable, indescribable love, was one that has been given to me daily and one I have been failing to give.

I looked at him and realized that the life I have been living is unmatched to the one I have been called to live. The love I've been given by the big man upstairs has been given to me not only so I can see the beauty of my creation and the self-worth I really do hold, but so that others can see theirs as well.

Why can't we all love so deeply, so unconditionally, so uncontainably that it fills us with a spirit and a joy that can't help but be contagious?

Often times I find myself questioning my actions.
Conversations I have and decisions I make, with the fear that others might find them too forward or unconventional. 
Why should I be afraid to speak my mind and affirm those around me for the sole purpose of allowing them to see how wonderful they are?
Why?
Because we've been told it's wrong. It's unconventional. It's weird to make spontaneous friends or go up to someone you don't know.
Society has placed on me a barrier as to how and when I should show my love. And the only culprit in this victimization of my own actions, is myself.

I dictate the decisions I make and the people I affect and through it all, I got lost and wrapped up in the idea that showing love isn't normal. 

Where in your life are you placing barriers on the love you choose to show and receive? Where are you second guessing your potential and the ability you have to greatly influence the lives of those around you?

Love does. In the words of Bob Goff, when all else fails and nothing seems to make sense, the only thing that holds true is love. Because love does. Love has no limits or understanding of failure. Love holds no boundaries or time frames to act upon. Love makes sense because sometimes life is too complicated to try and understand anything other than the simplicity of that four letter word. 

I challenge you to love.
Love yourself.
Love others.
And do so in a way that makes others stop and respond. 
Love in a way that calls attention to the life you're living and the influence you hold on those around you.
Love as if there's no tomorrow.
Love. Because love does. 

...for the Dweller (here's why you shouldn't)

There was this one morning.

It was maybe 4:30 at this point and I had spent the past six hours in a car full of people I barely knew.
We jumped on in, filled the car up with gas and drove down the coast on a spontaneous whim in hopes of finding something.
In hopes of finding an adventure, or maybe finding an escape for the night.

We all lay sprawled out on an abandoned lifeguard tower down south along the shores of a small beach town and the air smelled of sea salt, stale perfume and energy drinks. The conversations hit a lull as we gazed above us and stared into the unknown, so at peace with the path the night had given us.

I looked to my left and to my right and realized I would never see most of these people ever again and with that, I was filled with this overwhelming happiness.

Because although we shared dark secrets and tried to piece together what life meant at that moment, it was perfectly acceptable that we would never speak again. We shared memories spanning across those random hours in the night that are typically filled with sleep or normal routine and it meant that we had a new outlook on life, if only for that moment or possibly just for those few hours we spent alone after we parted ways.

Thinking back to that night I realize the past few days were filled with those same exact moments- pockets of joy that I may experience if only once with people I just met.
It's those moments that make up the list of a few of my very most favorite things, those things that give me the inspiration I need:

The boys who serenaded my sorority, I thank you for entertaining the idea that men are sensitive because they have good voices.
Thank you for giving me hope, even if it's encased in a hopeless romantic mindset.

The small crowd of people who cheered for me as I shouted out my number crossing the finish line as the 8th to last paddler in this weekend's race.
Thank you for reminding me that crossing the finish line is an accomplishment, no matter what place you're in.

The woman who called me lovely and the boy in the banana suit.
Thank you for showing me genuine sincerity and light hearted moments can be shared with absolutely anyone who is willing to accept them.

As a planner and a dweller and an all-around Type A, it's the moments like these that slow my world down a bit.

Where in your life can you look at a day and realize that those times of joy- those smiles in between class with someone who catches your eye or that random hail storm that sets in as you walk across campus- those moments are intended to slow your day down?

Think of things as they were, not as they weren't.

It's times like these where all you can do is appreciate what just happened and take it as it is, because somehow you became a better person through it all and the only way to explain it is by remembering it just as it was. 

...for the Studious Students

Finals.
A time of awful eating and sleeping habits, a season where jeans are always optional and sweats are welcomed by everyone. A time where students learn how to survive on caffeine and disregard social interactions outside of academic buildings. 
Finals.
A time of stress, but also, a time of joy?

Aside from the stress finals may bring you as you rely on seasonal Pinterest and Tumblr pages to distract you from your priorities, thus creating more anxiety later on, finals week can also bring about a time of appreciation and joy. Hidden deep down in your backpack next to the chargers and free red bull, there is a little ziploc holding a handful of joy to carry you through these weeks.

Finals suck and there is no denying this, yet it's all too easy to let it consume you in every way possible. 
As I study for my last final, I repeat one simple, yet very powerful phrase. 
"It's always going to be ok."

No matter what, it will always be ok.

Whether it be a relationship that recently ended or a towing ticket that sets you back $300, even a final you may have bombed or the amount you've let yourself go during finals week, no matter what, in time it will always be ok.

The scars of the break up will heal and you'll date you for a while and appreciate the love you give your deserving self.
You will work back the money you lost or receive a check in the mail from someone who deeply just wants to support you, despite their own financial situation.
You will pass the class, either barely hanging on or with flying colors, and go on living the normalcy of whatever your life was before these two weeks approached.

In the end, the stress we put on ourselves to achieve some high level of greatness will not ever compare to the joy we can allow ourselves to experience.

I may be one of the biggest stress cases I know, yet allowing myself to remain joyful in this stressful yet very prominent holiday season is something we all deserve.
Be joyful, knowing that you are worth so much more than grades on a test.
Be joyful, knowing that you are made for so much more than we allow ourselves to live at times.
Be joyful, knowing that it will always be ok.

We have gone through some awful times in our lives, and for that I am both sorry and grateful. I'm sorry for the pain we have had to endure and the uneasiness we had to sit in. Yet I am grateful for the support found during those times and the season after the storm, the healing process and the growth. It might just be me, but finding joy in my own sorrow can be one of the best forms of healing I practice. 

So as finals wind down and the holiday season kicks into full swing, remember that this is simply another week on your calendar, a moment in time that will pass and leave way for another joyous time to appear.
Remember that amidst the stress you can allow yourself a moment of joy.
Smile.
Laugh.
Be grateful that you have something to be stressed about.
Remember that no matter what you feel now, it will always be ok. 

...for the Thirsty (literally)

So, there's this boy.
Brown shaggy hair, super trendy shades.
And well, we've just started seeing each other.
We even have a spot.
Everyday. Same time.
It all happened so fast really, but he just ran into my life.

Literally.

Well, more of a speed walk.


I was making my typical Tuesday/Thursday trek to the drinking fountains in between classes early this week when this boy walks out of the restroom and into my path, causing me to step aside to let him through. Th gentleman he is, he stepped aside once more, implying I had the right of way. I took the two steps to the shorter water fountain and as I twisted off my water bottle cap, I noticed him waiting. I looked at him and motioned to the higher of the two fountains and told him there was one available (if he somehow couldn't see past me).

"No. I'll wait."

Oh. 

Which has now shifted the entire scenario to one where I'm suddenly this awful burden. 
Everyone has been there. You're that one kid who decides to fill up their water bottle so a line starts to form behind you but you can't do anything since the water is moving at a glacial speed. Thus, you're stuck. And everyone hates you for it even though they've all been there. Yet it's just like driving; you hate the pedestrians until you are one.

Anyways, I drop my binders to the ground and double strap my backpack on so the entire process can move just a little faster. I filled up as quickly as the fountain would allow and walked away a bit confused. I brushed it off and went on with my day.

Today rolls around and I walk to my spot for a refreshing sip of water and who do I see? 
The boy.
Coming from two sides of the hall we meet at the entrance to the doorway for the fountains and what does he do?
He looks at me and without even muttering a word, extends his right hand out in a sassy maitre d sort of way as to say "again? go ahead."

I step forward and, the selfless woman I am, take the higher fountain this time, assuming he wouldn't use it the last time for some height-conscious reason. 
Yet he stood there. And waited. 
I looked his way once again, pointing to the open fountain (because at this point it's clear he can't see what's in front of him) and he rolled his eyes and looked down.
HE LOOKED DOWN. 
Like suggesting he use the fountain was the most idiotic thing anyone has ever done.
I have to say, I'm a little offended. 
What's the point of two fountains when no one insists on using them at the same time? 
The only situation that logically works anymore is a parent with their tiny child, totting around behind them. 
Or best friends. 
Because they do everything together.

I wonder if I will meet this boy in our spot again next week.
I sure do hope so because I am really eager to find out why he insists on sipping alone. 
Nonetheless, I analyzed this a bit further during the analyzing of films in my aesthetics class and felt a pang of sadness.

Are we as a generation so afraid of community that we insist on walking life alone, never allowing ourselves to interact in the slightest way with someone new?

I'll continue to ponder on this while my life plays out like an episode from Seinfeld. 

So, what will you do the next time you reach a water fountain?
Will you step aside and wait as the person before you hurriedly sips away, or will you step forward and leisurely gulp down your water, as the potential to make a new friend rests right beside you. 

...for the Faithful

I give my body one sick day a year. 
That's all it deserves, really.
I have too many things to do to let my body slack off and slump around in a bathrobe while priorities rack up.

Unfortunately, my body had something else in mind. I'm coming off of a four-day cold and to the average joe this may seem short-lived, but for myself -who finds sickness a foreign concept- this bug has overstayed it's welcome.

In fact, I've had a lot of bugs overstay their welcome.
First, cockroaches.
Then, a colony of ants in my kitchen.
Now, the bug that every student at Chapman seems to cough all over everyone else.

I've had more problems in the past month and a half than I ever would have imagined accumulating. In the short timespan of moving out of my cozy home in Irvine and jumping straight into life as a Chapman student, I have lived in two apartments, dealt with physical threats, a towed car, the ending of my jobs,and struggled to make my first payment of rent, all topped off by an obnoxious cough, landing me the title of "That Girl" in the library everyone hates.

Yet I find myself waking up in the mornings reflecting on the positive aspects of this conundrum. 

I've discovered my credit is amazingly high, enjoyed researching for an investigative piece on exploitations in the apartment business, learned how to defend my renter's rights and take a corporation to small claims court, write my own checks, and have consumed a vast amount of soup. And at the end of the day, I'm still alive and counting my blessings.

I can honestly say I had never fully understood the phrase "Praise Him in the Storm" until this season in my life. Because yes, although I wake up in the mornings, drive to school, and find myself crying aloud wondering how I am going to make ends meet or how I even ended up in this situation, I end each upset tear with a joyful one, finding I can still rely on Him through it all. I surprise myself by how much faith I truly do have. And as awful as that may sound, I think there are many of us that can look at our lives and see how every decision we make is laced with doubt and fear that the One we turn to may not provide.

Where in your life are you faced with a battle that leaves you feeling defeated daily?

I'm not perfect, but I'm making strides towards becoming someone filled more and more with a daily joy. 
Yes, I am jobless.
Yes, I bite my nails raw worrying about finances.
And yes, I still despise the neighbor who towed my car.
But at the end of the day I see how blessed I am to be experiencing such trials that I have absolutely no control over.
At the end of my rope, His starts, and it makes sleeping at night just a little bit easier knowing that I can put my faith in Him and give my restless mind a few hours off.

Will you keep pulling on a rope that gives no slack or will you let go and trust in the One who is here to win the tug of war for you?

...for the Planner

It was quite the heated debate.

I shared my thoughts and the rebuttal happened almost immediately.

Words were said.

Words that could never be taken back, and at the end of the day there was still no right answer.

The debate over day planners vs. white boards is one that may never be settled.

As a faithful planner owner I can confidently say that I go nowhere without it. In my room, in my car, in my backpack or next to my purse, my planner acts as a third arm in any appropriate situation (which, in reality, is every situation)

But aside from the witty banter and comical uses regarding my planner, I realize that I do put so much trust into this tiny material item. I rely on this stack of papers held together by a piece of curled plastic to tell me everything I need to know. My scheduled meetings and appointments, work times and preplanned hangouts and find that when I leave the house without it, my day seems unorganized and unproductive.

Living my life out of a planner not only ensures the feeling of dependency but it denies any time for spontaneity and adventure.

For those planners out there, how many times have you realized that the fun you have and the growth you go through is not jotted down on lines on a page or scheduled for you to look forward to?

There are so many times in my life where I tell myself I have to plan for things. And please realize that there are times that planning simply makes sense.

Scheduling a doctor's appointment: Makes sense

Studying for a test: Makes sense

Writing down work schedules: Makes sense (I'd hope)

But there are times in my life where I realize a lack of schedule and the absence of my to-do list was just what I needed.

The days I woke up early and threw a towel and my wallet in my backpack and headed toward the beach.

The times I went on long drives with friends and stopped when we decided the destination was cool enough.

The moments of silence, away from home, where I sat and journaled and allowed God to just sit with me.

These are the times were planning ahead wouldn't have made any sense at all.

For the planners out there, how many times do you wish you could just cut off that third arm?

Something I am always trying to remember is no matter what, the day will happen and the next day will appear just the same. Whether I cross off five things on my list or barely get to one, there will always be another day to get things done.

There will always be another day.

How many days do you want planned out for yourself?

Whether your life is scheduled on a white board or filling the pages of a day planner, find the time to set those aside and step outside the house with an open mind, a blank page, and the opportunity to let yourself grow amidst the unscheduled days.