...for the Individualist

On the first day of kindergarten at Meadow Park Elementary, I asked Evann Rose if she wanted to be my friend.

And that was that. We were friends.

Leaning up against the stucco wall waiting to be called in for the first full day of our lives away from "Early Bird" and "Later Gator" class sessions, life was easy.

Somewhere in between the crazy hair days and sleepovers, things changed. Instead of Finger paints and Forts, friendships revolved around Crop tops and Svedka.

I just want to know when. When in life did we decide that having friends had to be so hard?

In most cases, the friends you make in elementary school are the ones you end up growing up with. If you remain in the same friend group all those years, through the crazy dramatized fights of middle school, and that first step into high school, then you've really accomplished a lot. Unfortunately, that may change. Walking through the crowded halls of high school you try your hardest to push through to the other side of the path just to avoid someone you may have called your best friend just years earlier.

As negative and cynical as this all may sound, there is reasoning behind all of this. Being friends with someone since the diaper days isn't implying that you're the exact same person that you were when you met, it's just an example of what I'm getting at. The point I'm simply trying to make, is this: Somewhere on that crazy road of life, filled with pot holes and detour signs, we decided that all of those road blocks could determine how we let others view us.

That innocent, care-free attitude we were born with and let shine in our early years so easily faded as the surroundings changed and the detours became frequent. Isn't that just so...sad? It's unfortunate that we may be that person who is walking through the halls and not fully letting ourselves be that person we once knew.

That little girl dressed in a polka dot dress sitting next to her dad playing with Tonka trucks who is now dressed in a polka dot tank top playing with Tony instead. Or, that young man who would go to the creek behind his house everyday with the girl next door who avoids that same girl in the hall because she decided to stick with her dreams rather than follow him on his journey to everyone else's.

I am a part of that identity theft.

I didn't wake up one morning and think to myself, "Hey, let's see how much I can change. Let's see how much I can lose myself." It just...happened.

For me, being a senior this year gives me somewhat of a break. I've been able to dabble in this, mess around in that, and through all of that indecisiveness, I saw that the only person I ever wanted to be, was me. I say I have it easy because I've reached the point in my own high school career where I can't and don't care what those around me think about me. I've accomplished my high school goals, I've made solid friends along the way, and I'm ready to conquer all of those nay-sayers.

Sounds easy enough right?

Well then how come behind all of those great ideas, I still fear that who I am may not be good enough? That I worry more about others' opinions rather than my own. I want to overcome my irrational "fear" of opinions and criticism that I may not like.

I only hope that the same goes for so many others out there. I didn't choose to have our world become this way, and I can't change that. But I can change myself. Or rather, discard all of those previous and unnecessary changes I may have made in order to please others rather than myself in ways that degrade the image I lay out.

Changes are GREAT, everyone needs a little wiggle room. But when you decide that these changes you're making aren't for yourself, well, that's when the detour you're on needs a stop sign.

What will you do?

Remember how you want to be, or continue to adventure down this road in the middle of the night with nothing but caution signs lighting the way for you.