...for the Optimist

[consumer's warning: contents in this entry may be subject to strong negative opinions. These only reflect the outlook and experiences of one person. Read it or not, agree or disagree, but keep in mind you have been warned.]

I feel like everything in life needs a warning label nowadays. From people's opinions to the bag holding a snuggie, no one is ever fully satisfied with what is placed in front of them.

I was walking through the hall just the other day and I saw two things in one passing period that I really wish I didn't have to see.

1. A snuggie with not one, but two people wrapped inside of it

2. An extremely awkward freshman couple where the girl is a good 6 inches taller than the guy and they haven't quite reached the "hand-holding" phase yet, so they're walking with their arms over each other's shoulders. Classic move.

Now imagine mixing those things together. Being someone who refuses to wear a snuggie, this is something I have surprisingly attempted and witnessed way more than once, and in one of the most unconventional ways possible.

Dating in high school is a backwards robe. It's none other than fulfillment in disguise--a snuggie.

My friend Lexi told me this a few weeks ago when we were catching up on boys (what else is there to talk about in Irvine?) over some coffee and I thought it perfectly described not only my decisions, but the decisions of so many of my friends.

You can call it whatever you want, but it's all the same; a hook-up, a thing, dating, going out, going steady, hanging out, friends with benefits. No matter what you label it, it's none other than two people who are on a journey to try and figure out their lives. The only thing is, they're doing it together.

As a hopeless romantic, I've fallen victim many times to indie love songs, Taylor Swift's way too relatable lyrics, and the inevitable teen series books that almost every high school girl reads.

Quite frankly, I'm over it.

I've tried it before and I know I'll try it again, but I don't like this dead end process.

Meet, exchange phone numbers, text for a bit, hang out a few times, maybe a date or two, and that's it. For some reason it is so hard for me to move past that acquaintance stage and onto something deeper and more meaningful.

::i'm perfectly lonely because i don't belong to anyone therefore no one belongs to me::

John Mayer puts it perfectly in words that I always have trouble believing.

Maybe I'm terrified of commitment or genuinely am content being alone right now, who knows. For some reason I can't let myself go any farther that the surface even if I really want to.

Maybe that's a sign.

A sign that anything I'm even attempting in high school is nothing but a sheep in wolf's clothing. A bad decision disguised in the idea that being with someone always means happiness. Because for some reason, a majority of us automatically assume that solitude connects with loneliness. For some people, including myself, that may be the case.

Now you could be the the other kind of high school dater. The kind that gets into relationships because that is what feels...right. At the moment at least. You date and keep going through the motions of this pointless relationship all for the short-term fulfillment of feeling wanted.

I'm going to go holy roller on you all for a second.

I strongly believe that the reason we all put ourselves through short-term fulfillment is because we are not getting it in greater aspects of our life. Whether that be at home, with friends, a boyfriend, or Christ, we feel the need to overcompensate for the lack of love. What I've discovered through my own struggles with acceptance is this--

The short-term love leaves you with a long-term self-loathing.

I feel stupid for letting myself succumb to something so low. A boy leaves my sight and all that I am left with is more insecurities and a stronger desire to do whatever it takes to get rid of that feeling as fast as I can. My relationship with God is a roller coaster. I have my ups and downs, and on those downs, I lack a strong relationship with Christ in my life. Therefore I do what I can to feel the way I do when I'm on those highs.

Dating in high school is a backwards robe.

But why does it have to be?

The hopeless romantic in me may be pushing through, but who says we even have to do that to ourselves? I don't want to follow the norm.

I know what I want, do you?

I can't tell you what decision to make or what type of guy to go after, but I can tell you this--

Deep down, you know what you want. It's up to you to be strong enough in your convictions and comfortable enough in yourself to follow through with those desires and think only about one person. YOURSELF. BE selfish, BE picky, and only go after exactly what you have in mind.