...for the Thinker

Act 1. Scene 1.

Character is slightly out of touch with her true opinions and is used to living vicariously through a pen and paper before uttering a single word. Teenager, curly mess of hair, and appears confident in front of a crowd. She approaches what she believes is a podium, but is really none other than a group of friends.

I wouldn't be wrong in saying this is basically what would happen if my life were truly a play. (For the record, yes, I AM "one of those theatre kids" who imagines her life is being taped like the Truman Show). But on a realistic note, this is something I struggle with daily.

I go through my day living life scripted and censored rather than uncensored and unscripted.

The worst part is, I'm not the only one who lives like this.

For those of you who are thinking to themselves, A. why am I reading this? and B. what does she even mean by this?, I will gladly fill you in.

As someone who loves talking in front of large crowds of people, I find myself easily mixing the worlds of public speaking and simple conversation. My "people-pleaser" side, if you will, always has to please the closest ear that is willing to hear whatever I have to say. In doing this, I lose myself and my true opinions; I start to pre-plan, re-word, and copy and paste sentences in conversations where first impressions are no longer needed. This doesn't just happen in conversations, but I find it spilling over and onto other aspects of my life. I censor my opinions and keep to myself just because I fear sounding incompetent or inferior in the eyes of a potential nay-sayer.

Why?

Why do we let ourselves fall short of our own expectations in order to go above and beyond everyone else's?

Why do we choose to lose ourselves in the masses and pick safety over the risk of letting someone know how we really feel?

These doubts start to swirl around in your head and all you're left with is pages and pages of pre-thought convictions that have been etched into your mind to assure that no toes have been stepped on that day and that as you walk away from that "podium", the only thing people are thinking about is how perfectly constructed your sentences were and how easily the words flow out of your mouth.

So as I deal with ripping apart the pages and repressing the lines in my own script, I want to leave you with this-

Your life is what you choose to make it and you have the choice everyday to mad-lib and improvise your way through conversations and experiences or to rehearse lines you've already written.

Take a risk. Live life unscripted.